When you’re in your 20s people don’t usually give a big fuss if you’re still single. Oftentimes, you even get approval or encouragement to just enjoy life as Single. However, as you hit your 30s there’s a pretty big turn around. You start getting a tidal wave of pressure or a machine gun of questions, from families or friends, as to why you’re still single. In your ‘me time’ you probably find yourself wondering when will you find ‘the one’.
Waiting period is never too long when you’re in a good company; Single friends or Single Community. You don’t really feel much pressured if everyone in your circle is, likewise, not in a relationship. It’s a different thing, however, if your friends start changing their status, one by one, and you’re the only one last standing who hasn’t moved on from being Single.
But is there really a big deal on being Single? The answer is not in your friends or family. The answer is in you. How do you feel about yourself? Do you really feel it’s the right time or you’re just pressured? What are your priorities? How do you want to see yourself five or ten years from now?
Every Single person has his/her own reason why he/she is not in a relationship. Perhaps, you can start knowing yours to know yourself more, change what needs to be changed or develop what can be developed as you move on to another level in your life. We have listed some reasons why some people are still Single. You might find relation to any of the list. Hope this can help enlighten you as you do self-assessment:
- Single and loving it
No need for any other reason, it is by your deliberate choice to be Single and there’s nothing wrong with it. You’re just having the time of your life. You’re as happy as you want to be. You’re alone but never lonely. You’re at your best year and currently enjoying your time to shine. You know that one day you will share whatever joy you have with special someone, it’s just that not now. You just feel that there are some things you still want to accomplish or achieve as a pre-requisite in entering a relationship. You know you will get there one day, but for now you simply want to enjoy the bliss and perks of being single.
- Too busy
You literally have no time for love because you’re so preoccupied with number of things all at the same time. You leave the office 3 or 5 hours past your shift and even work from home at times. During weekends, you’re either attending trainings or reviewing for an exam. Spare time for you includes doing business on the side, like going out for a coffee not with a date but with a client. You clean the house, you wash and tend the clothes, you cook and you do all the other household chores all together on top of your work and part-time job. You’re sleep deprived, so when you find time to catch up with your beauty rest you do it with sheer exaggeration. Hence, you stay at home the whole day to recuperate. If ever you find time to hang out, you only hang out with friends in your circle. You’re so busy that at times you can’t take calls or even reply to a message at least an hour the earliest, because you’re either at a meeting or catching up a deadline.
It’s best to manage your time well. Make sure that as you prosper in your career or other endeavors, you still have a substantial time for your personal life.
- High standards almost to the point of Fantasy
You’re not just deliberate in choosing a partner but way too picky to the point that you set standards beyond reality. You’re so determined and focused to find that perfect person in your wildest imagination, so even if there’s already someone okay right in front of you, you still feel the person does not qualify.
It is a must that we become careful in choosing who will be our partner in life but there’s a difference between being careful and being unrealistic. It is best to review your checklist and define the ‘negotiables’ and ‘non-negotiables’ in terms of the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. There are more important things than abs, curves, cars, killer smile and height. Give someone a chance. Get to know the very core of the person before you even close your door.
- Not yet ready for a Commitment
Nothing can make you commit if you’re not yet ready for a Commitment. You will always find a reason to stop or delay yourself from committing, even if the person is already a good catch. You will always find yourself almost getting in to a relationship and letting go even before it has started.
To borrow the words of Joshua Harris, “When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He will reveal the right person under the right circumstances.” There’s really a good reason behind this, because imagine if you enter a relationship with the one God intended for you and you’re not yet ready, you’re just going to waste it. You will not only going to put the relationship into waste, but you might hurt the person, or even yourself, in the process.
So ask yourself if you’re really ready. Don’t rush something which supposed to be beautiful.
You’re in limbo or denial, so to speak, as you’re not sure whether what you really want. This is the best time to dig deeper. Connect with yourself. Get to know who you really are. Get real and decide what you want for yourself not for what others want for you.
- Waiting or chasing the wrong person
You’re either obsessed or overdosed with false hope. Assess yourself if you should still extend time waiting for someone to love or notice you or if it’s really time for you to move on.
It can’t be one way street. Maybe, for now, it’s difficult for you to lose your grip on someone who gives you a riot of butterflies in your stomach, but the idea is to let go. It’s always difficult in the beginning, but later you will thank yourself big time. Throw it to the wind, if it’s yours it will come flying back to you. Don’t waste time running after someone who is running away from you. You deserve someone who loves you too.
- Love trauma
Your past pain is holding you back from finding happiness which you truly deserve. Either you were betrayed or you were abandoned for no apparent reason. However, you cannot go back to something that cannot be undone. Remember that if something didn’t work, it didn’t work for a reason. Don’t open door which has already been shut and supposed to be locked when you know that, in time, a new door will be opened for you.
Give yourself a chance to be happy again – to love and be loved. However, before getting in to a new relationship you need to deal with your trauma first. Life is too short to live in the past. You deserve your present and there’s so much to look forward to in the future. Put some hope in your heart. What you have experienced in the past is just a process you need to go through to enable you to meet the one who’s meant for you. You need to wake up each day with something good to look forward to. You need to heal your own wounds. Start it by loving yourself.
- It is not yet time
Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” You can’t go ahead of God’s plan for you, even if you are already prepared for a relationship or even beyond that. When it is not yet time you cannot push it, no matter how much effort you put in to it. There is an assigned time for everything. Assure your heart that it is for your own good.
The best thing to do is to keep your faith and move on with your life. Take this kind of delay as a blessing in disguise. Consider this delay as God’s way of preparing the one meant for you. God wants the best for you and so He is not giving you any half-baked. Likewise, you may use this time to develop more your personality. Make yourself as Mr./Ms. Right as you wait for Ms./Mr. Right. Make yourself more attractive. Get to know new people and be friendlier. Widen your horizon. One day, you will thank yourself for waiting. As cliché as it may sound, good thing comes to those who wait – the right time.
Cover Photo by: Ms. Jen Gallardo, Singapore
Photography by: Christopher Sto. Domingo, Vienna Austria