I have always been in almost all of my relative’s and friend’s wedding entourage. I grew up being part of my cousin’s and friend’s wedding entourage; from cute little flower girl, to teeny-skinny-bridesmaid and too-old-for-a-bridesmaid-kind-of-role. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
THE REBEL IN ME
Back then, I deliberately avoided being present in any of wedding occasion – brutally, with no exceptions. Blinded with my selfish emotions, I used to convince myself that attending wedding event was just an unnecessary expense – shoes, dress, clutch and gifts. All flimsy and bitter excuses, I know! However, the truth is, I knew in my heart that it was something more than that.
I used to believe that wedding is just a normal part of every woman’s life -that after reaching a certain age, a woman walks down the aisle in her elegant white dress, exchanges vows and thereafter, throws a bouquet to the soon-to-be-bride.
None of these illusions happened to me when I hit the marrying age. Must admit that in a way, it felt not so normal.
Nonetheless, I embraced singlehood wholeheartly like it was my destiny, and I just decided to cling strongly to my remaining single friends. After all, we need each other. The more the happier, as they say. As the number of our membership decreased the more we learned to stick together. To our minds, happiness has different forms and we are very determined to prove that while we are single, we are loving it, and that we are living a fantastic life.
CAN’T BEAT THEM? JOIN THEM!
Social media has a cruel way of letting single women, like me, know whenever someone has left the single club. Subtle but sure to hit, like directly to our cold hearts. There was even a point that wedding announcement and wedding pictures were all over my social media newsfeed. Torture, I know right. It was a kind of an update that’s in between annoyance and torture. I skipped them for a time, yes, but sooner I got the hang of it. I’ve learned to celebrate with them in silence and secretly raped the replay button of their wedding videos in youtube or vimeo. At times, I even out-cried the bride on the part when they had to read the vows.
THE WAITING PERIOD
Misery loves company, oh yeah! My remaining single friend and I would have regular sleepovers in her flat for wedding video marathon. We almost memorized each and every lines of our favorite wedding vows. We would sound like experts in wedding events whenever we had our reviews. Over the years of such activity, we were able to familiarize ourselves to the best wedding videographers and film makers in the country. We have formed our own wedding fantasy. Ask us and we can tell you exactly how we want our weddings to be like.
Yes, we wanted to be a bride.
We just dont know where and when to find our groom.
If there was any consolation, I guess, it made us put waiting into oblivion. We forgot about all the waiting. For me, every lines in all the vows I’ve heard, somehow, raised my standard on the kind of man I would like to end up with. No longer the boy next door. No longer the super cool dude. No longer the Johnny Bravo. No longer the guy hanging out in limbo.
On the one hand, the long waiting period gave me the opportunity to enjoy life, to look at its beauty from sunrise to sunset. This gave me the chance to be in good terms with myself and to realize that I deserve only the best. This gave me the time to grab every opportunity to be the best version of myself by having the courage and determination to pursue my dreams. All the waiting has changed into an enjoyable moment as I witnessed and experienced the fruits of my hard work.
I loved myself, and it loved me back.
As they say, “What is meant to be will always find its way.” And I guess, being single forever wasn’t really my destiny, after all. Years passed and someone came at a time I least expected it. But no doubt, he came at the right time.
All the bitterness about love has finally come to an end, because my groom has finally arrived! In barely few hours, I will be walking down the aisle as a bride – no longer as a bridesmaid.
All the lines that I have memorized in the past have automatically skipped my memory. When the feeling is so true, sometimes words are not enough.
Composing a line in my mind makes me cry. I guess, I weep because of overwhelming pure joy. At the end of the day, marriage is just a mere celebration and what really matter is the person I will be with for the rest of my life. It is beyond happiness that I will be with someone who showed me that true love is possible and that a man who deeply loves me will always find a way and not excuses. After all that I have been through, I now understand why I had to wait that long. Truly, God makes all things beautiful in his time. I cannot wish he arrived in my life earlier, for I knew it would not be as perfect as this. Simple but perfect. I am just overly grateful.
I am grateful not because he will make my wildest dream come true. But I am grateful because in every waking day I am filled with love which makes life more beautiful than ever before. For a time, I thought weddings are like a fairytale. Now, I’ve realized that the real fairytale is not in the one day celebration. The real fairytale can only be experienced when there is genuine love, regardless of whether you have a grand or a simple wedding. When you find the one, your heart will simply retreat in gratitude and peace. Everything else is just a bonus. Now, we will marry not because we have a dream to fulfill, but because we simply want to have God’s blessing in our union. The grandeous event I have formed in my mind way back when I was single, has disappeared in the moment of this great happiness. It is no longer necessary, anyway. My heart is filled with so much love and joy that I did not give up on love. All those waiting finally made sense.
The many questions in my mind have been answered. I will no longer watch wedding videos with an envious heart, full of fears about future of growing old alone. I will no longer go to church alone, because I know that the man who loves me after God will always be with me every Sunday mass. I am at peace that I will age gracefully because the man I will marry is a good man. I am confident that he will always remind me to be humble, compassionate and kind. I will grow old wrinkled but beautiful inside because my man will always give me a reason to be happy and grateful. In return, I will put all my best effort to be the best version of myself so that I can give him the best love and care. I am excited to always give him the reason to smile and be happy. I will feed him with good thoughts and good laugh. I will ensure that he will always get my warmest hug and kisses after his long day at work. I will always have a ready good and honest praise so he will be more confident in unleashing his potentials. And even if test comes in the way, I will always choose to love him and to stay.
I am glad that even after many years of waiting, I did not give up on love, BECAUSE IT WAS TRULY WORTH IT.
Truly, there is really a time for everything. And today is the right time.